Jackie Kashian – It is Never Going to be Bread (CD) Supply

You ve gotta draw the line somewhere. In this age of Facebook and Linkedin, there s got to be some point where you put your foot down and cut out some friends. And for Jackie Kashian, that line s just in front of the war re-enactors. That s right, up to but not including the war reenactment guys, she s willing to wade into the Dork Forest. That means she ll still befriend Pokemon kids, Star Wars guys, Renaissance Festival freaks, Beanie Baby people, Twihards, and Harry Potter himself, but once you tell her you re gonna go eat some hard tack in the forest for the weekend ( No girls allowed! ), you re off the goddamned list. Too bad for you, sucker, cause Jackie Kashian would be an awesome friend (hell, to one very special action figure collector, she s even a life-time naked friend). Hailing from South Milwaukee ( just east of Milwaukee, obviously ), Kashian s got deep Midwestern roots, made visible in the great affection and ease she shows on her new CD It is Never Going to be Bread, recorded live in Minneapolis, MN.

She s not political or mean-spirited, hippie-dippy, drug-addled, or a yeller. And she s sure as hell no Cathy cartoon. Instead, Kashian s the bitchin super-nerd we all wished we d grow up to be. Whether she s gushing about her favorite video games (hint: the ones with the worst plots are at the top of her list If they had a video game where you stabbed babies, well, that would be awful, but I d be in my room, stabbing away! ), bemoaning the entire existence of North Platte, NE ( I hate them, I hate their children, I won t eat their cattle ), or lovingly pointing out that her husband could have come to the wedding in his underpants and carrying a porkchop and she would have said the vows, Kashian comes off as a class act with a quick wit and seamless delivery. We take it back, we *still* wish we could grow up to be Jackie Kashian. It is Never Going to be Bread is out now from Stand Up! Records and available from fine e-tailers near you.